Al Qaeda's own, Helen Thomas, shown here with her good friend Barrack Obama.
Here at Fake News Online we offer harebrained news, preposterous stories, whimsical broadsides, wacky articles and waggish sagas all in one cockeyed daily publication we sometimes refer to as the puerile papers.
DREAMS FROM MY FATHER
| Southern California...April, 2012 In 1995 Barrack Obama launched his political career with high-powered help from Chicago’s most powerful political operatives. Chicago heavyweights like; Black Power preacher Jeremiah Wright; vicious hate-filled anti Semite Louis Farrakhan; disgraced radical priest Michael Pfleger and nineteen-sixties terrorists Bernardine Dohrn and Bill Ayers. In connection with this auspicious occasion Obama also published a memoir; Dreams From my Father: A Story of Race and Inheritance.  The book is a worshipful bit of puffery extolling the virtues of ethnic diversity and multi-cultural acceptance. There is no hint of criticism regarding possible excesses found in other cultures or for any overseas practice most human beings would find aberrant. The following is a direct quote from Dreams from My Father: “With Lolo, I learned how to eat small green chill peppers raw with dinner (plenty of rice), and, away from the dinner table, I was introduced to dog meat (tough), snake meat (tougher), and roasted grasshopper (crunchy),” the future president writing about his step father wrote: “Like many Indonesians, Lolo followed a brand of Islam that could make room for the remnants of more ancient animist and Hindu faiths. He (Lolo) explained that a man took on the powers of whatever he ate: One day soon, he promised, he would bring home a piece of tiger meat for us to share.” So here we learn Barrack Obama was given dog meat to eat by his Indonesian stepfather, Lolo Soetoro. Lolo was the second Muslim Obama’s mother married. Ann Dunham (Obama’s mother) married Soetoro after Obama’s biological father abandoned her. Obama’s father deserted Dunham and his son and returned to the arms of his first (legitimate) wife in Africa. After her divorce and second marriage, Ann Dunham packed up and moved to Indonesia with her son and new husband. In Jakarta, Barrack Obama attended Muslim school---he is listed on the school records as being Muslim---and blended fairly effortlessly into this strange new culture. When adult Obama recounts one of the instances when his stepfather gave him dog-meat to eat there is no hint of condemnation for what is clearly an act of child abuse. Certainly, a youngster of ten years can be forgiven for being directed by an adult caregiver to do something so perverse and revolting (which is the excuse Obama’s cronies offer up). ”Hey! Come on! He was a ten year old boy!” That’s true. Obama was a ten-year-old boy when he ate dog-meat. But, he was a responsible adult when he wrote about the event, which he casually inserted into his best-selling memoir. He could have said: Lolo gave me dog to eat when I was a child, but now as an adult I understand just how degenerate this practice is. Now I understand just how brutish and barbaric Lolo Soetoro must have been to feed dog-meat to a child. But he didn’t. His is the typical matter-of-fact Liberal response. Eating dog to Indonesians is no big deal---it’s those ugly Americans, looking down on other cultures, who are the merciless barbarians not good island people who innocently torture and eat dogs.  |  Above is a photograph from Indonesia of a dog being held for future slaughter. Dogs are energetic creatures and often when being treated brutally will defend themselves with snarling and biting. The restaurateur above solves the problem by tying the helpless animals forelegs up and over its back---the legs are normally broken by this procedure---the back legs are tied in a similar manner. The dog is then helpless in a cage, lying there pitifully, his eyes open and pleading… perhaps for water. The animal is panting and whimpering while the restaurateur squats nearby proudly exhibiting his customer’s future meal. The dog that Barrack Obama ate was more than likely tortured in this very same manner for long periods of time before the animal found its way into the future President’s stomach. This method of restraining dogs prior to slaughter is the rule not the exception; there are no humane methods---in countries where dog is consumed---where the animals are held prior to slaughter in a manner that is not similarly abhorrent. This type of torture is happening right this very minute. Thousands of dogs are laying somewhere right now, bound in this same grotesque manner, panting, whimpering and suffering, waiting to be killed and eaten… perhaps one of these dogs will be consumed by some fat Liberal Tourist seeking an ultimate experience in Cultural Diversity. How many tourists---who admire Left-Wingers like Barrack Obama---have traveled to Indonesia since 1995? How many Liberals while vacationing in Indonesia have decided: We must try dog while we’re here, in order to be open to rich cultural experiences. We must embrace the Indonesian culture like our idol Barrack Obama has done. How many dogs have been tortured and murdered and then roasted? How many Liberals have eaten how many dogs in the past seventeen years? How many innocent animals have been eaten by some rotund rosy-cheeked Liberal in Bermuda shorts because Barrack Obama romanticized eating dog-meat in his best selling memoir? It’s disgusting beyond belief and no excuse will suffice… ever!!!  If we knew who created this oh! so appropriate cartoon we would give that person credit. But we don't. Our editors found this work on the internet without a byline. Therefore we offer it up here in connection to our Obama eats dog story without comment. |
A TALE OF TWO WOMEN
Before the rape, Juanita Hickey was young, vivacious and successful, she had the world on a string and was sitting on a rainbow. Then Bubba came into her life; and the Hounds of Hell were unleashed.
Once upon a time there were two women: One was a registered nurse and entrepreneur who ran a thriving business in Arkansas, she was vibrant and beautiful. The other woman was a college graduate with a law degree who never quite lived up to early promise, instead, she was merely an insignificant instructor at a small college.
Juanita Broaddrick came from a working class family and by the time she reached adulthood had matured into a beautiful young woman. Juanita enrolled in college, obtaining a degree in nursing, and like many of her peers was driven to help people. After graduation, Juanita became a registered nurse and eventually married a man named Hickey. In 1978, Juanita Hickey RN was 35 year old with a burden for delivering healthcare to seniors and children. Her passion led the young idealist to risk everything in order to give birth to an idea… a nursing home, which became so successful that the original---meant for seniors---eventually became two residential facilities: one for the elderly; and one for severely handicapped children. By any yardstick, Juanita was successful. Then, the beautiful registered nurse had the misfortune to meet William Jefferson Clinton. Bill Clinton (Bubba as he was known in Arkansas) was a successful Democratic politician at the time and Juanita was an enthusiastic supporter. She believed Democrats cared about common people as she did. Bill Clinton was her hero. However, like so many other innocent young women who came into contact with Clinton she was about to be disillusioned. The brutish Clinton got her alone in a hotel room and raped her. Because she was a loyal Democrat, the inexperienced young woman anguished over causing her party to look bad, she still believed quite naively that Democrats cared about people and woman’s rights. She kept her mouth shut and didn’t report the rape. However, in the 1990’s details about Bill Clinton’s serial abuse of women leaked out and one of the women he had viciously abused sued him. The truth about the rape came out. Juanita was subpoenaed and forced to give a legal disposition in the Paula Jones’ sexual harassment suit against the then sitting President. As a result of her testimony the hounds of hell were unleashed… the Democrats’ Smear Machine set out to destroy Juanita.
At the time of her disposition Juanita was divorced from her first husband and had married a man named David Broaddrick. After giving her disposition, like so many other rape victims Juanita felt liberated and continued to give interviews and speak out even though her husband was against her candor. Juanita and David however were able to return to their quiet life in rural Arkansas for a while, but eventually grew apart and divorced. Juanita believes the unwanted publicity that intruded upon their private lives gradually destroyed their marriage. Juanita Broaddrick still owns one of the two nursing-home facilities and some acreage while David owns the other.
Broaddrick was a very successful entrepreneur when Bill Clinton raped her and now, twenty-one years later, she is a woman who struggles daily to make ends meet. She is not worth several million dollars. She is simply a caring professional, a professional nurse, a woman who owns her own small business. Juanita Broaddrick gets nothing from right wing political interests. She is not the darling of any media. She has never received an award or spoken before a large college audience for a five-figure fee.
Before Clarence Thomas had the misfortune to come into contact with her, Anita Hill was making thirty thousand dollars per year as an unknown Instructor at a small southern college. Destined for obscurity, Hill decided to shake that money tree and bring about a miraculous change in her fortunes.
Anita Hill had a degree in law from a good college when she went to work for Clarence Thomas who had an important position within the first Bush Administration. She had hoped to use Thomas to further her career, but as things worked out she was employed by Thomas for less than two years, after which she went to Oral Roberts University where she was an undistinguished assistant professor. When Hill realized she was not going to advance at Oral Roberts (Oral Roberts University is not a left wing university), she left and accepted a low level job as an instructor at the University of Oklahoma. Did she have a grudge against Clarence Thomas, because in her mind, he had not recognized her potential and helped further her career? Who knows what chaotic thoughts churn about within the recesses of that turbulent mind?
What we do know is: when Clarence Thomas was nominated to the Supreme Court the totally undistinguished, not very successful, Anita Hill saw her chance. She probably realized her career was on a fast track to nowhere and she was destined for low-level jobs for the rest of her life, so, Anita Hill decided to shake that money tree. She went before the Senate and testified Clarence Thomas had made rude sexual advances towards her years before. The hounds of hell were unleashed. The Progressive Smear Machine geared up and attempted to destroy Clarence Thomas. The left wing propaganda apparatus pushed their Pundits forward to offer the suggestion that Anita Hill had nothing to gain by testifying against Thomas, by revealing that he had made rude sexual advances toward her. Well, time would tell whether or not she had anything to gain by making those never substantiated charges. Clarence Thomas, however, was elevated to the court in spite of Anita Hill and in the decades since has become one of the most distinguished jurists in the history of the country. There has never been even a whisper of scandal surrounding the eminent Justice… Supreme Court Justice, Clarence Thomas.
But what about Anita Hill, did she slide back into obscurity? Well, not quite. After testifying during the Clarence Thomas’ Senate hearings, Hill accepted a position as a visiting scholar at the Institute for the Study of Social Change at the far left-wing University of California at Berkeley. Then, soon thereafter, she joined the faculty of Brandeis University (one of the most liberal colleges in the country) where she has since been promoted to higher paying positions. In 2011, Hill accepted a lucrative position with a law firm whose senior partners have ties to the Democrats stretching back decades. Wow! Things really looked up for Anita after those terrible hearings.
Over the years, Hill has provided commentary on gender and race issues on national television programs, including 60 Minutes, Face the Nation and Meet the Press. She is a darling of left wing media. She has been a speaker on the topic of commercial law as well as race and women's rights at various left wing venues, earning five figure fees. She is also the co-author of articles that have been published in The New York Times and Newsweek and has co-contributed to many left wing publications in the areas of bankruptcy and civil rights. It’s almost as if she picked six in the state lottery. And still the booty rolls in. In recent years Hill published her ghost written autobiography, Speaking Truth To Power, in which she chronicled her role in the Clarence Thomas confirmation controversy and wrote that creating a better society had been a motivating force in her life. In 2011, Hill’s second ghost written book, Reimagining Equality: Stories of Gender, Race, and Finding Home was published. Gee, what a smarty pants she became all of a sudden.
At present Anita Hill is worth millions and lives in utter luxury surrounded by adoring, hero-worshipping “Occupy Wall Street” types. But, prior to her role in the Clarence Thomas Supreme Court Hearings, Anita Hill had been nothing; she was earning less than thirty thousand dollars per year as an obscure college instructor at a minor college. Oh, What a difference a Hearing makes!
So this, then, is our little tale of two women. Remember, if you want to know what’s really going on…. Follow the Money. And the next time a gaggle of Democrats explains “But, but… she has nothing to gain.” Remember this little tale of two women.
Inside this issue of Fake News Online (FNO)
Front Page cockeyed daily's: Dreams From My Father (Glorifying torturing dogs is unacceptable.) A Tale of Two Women (The road to success for Progressive women) Page Two puerile papers: Henslow's Shadow (or, the wild and randy adventures of, Charles Darwin) The Muslim Brotherhood (learn the truth about this organization) Page Three harebrained news: No water shortage for the Napa Valley Elite (what about the San Joaquin Valley?) Making the difference for Obama Care (Dennis Kucinich has powerful allies) Hollywood big shots agree with Hugo (the pentagon's secret weapon) Page Four preposterous stories: President Obama and the Dictator of Iran Meet in Secret (what did they discuss?) Why they hate. (Progressives gin up the hate.) Page Five whimsical broadsides: Koch Brother Rumors Denied (two million dollar rumor denied) The Former Speaker of the House (Her Tear Filled Rant) Page Six wacky articles: Freedom City (excerpt from a brand new novel by FNO’s favorite author) Che Guevara, Progressive Hero (public school teacher goes off on racist rant!) Page Seven waggish sagas: Obama and the Air National Guard (what kind of Officer was he?) The Father of the Modern Democratic Party (you'll be surprised) Giving Until it Hurts (why wait for the government to raise your taxes?) |